John K. Davis, Executive Director

The Book Is A Success!

I posted a blurb here over a month ago about VoiceMale, a book written by my friend, Neil Chethik. Well, the book is now in its third printing. The Amazon dot com ranking spiked in January and it is continuing to do well as a Valentine's Day book for both husbands and wives. Be sure to look at the customer reviews at Amazon dot com.

For those of you who fly Delta, check out the in-flight magazine this month for a 4-page feature on the book. The February 13 edition of People magazine also gives it a good nod. Psychology Today has weighed in positively.

Neil traveled to speak in New York City, San Fransisco, Chicago, Ann Arbor, Washington D.C., and still has a few cities left on his agenda.

Books about men do not always do well in the market, but VoiceMale is an exception. Men are delighted to read a book that represents their gender in a positive light and women are fascinated by the intimate disclosures about what men really think. Neil has struck a nerve with the book that has many people abuzz about its content.

VoiceMale

A good friend of mine, Neil Chethik, has written a new book entitled "VoiceMale: What Husbands Really Think About Their Wives, Their Marriages, Sex, Housework, and Commitment" (Simon & Schuster). It's just out this week and the author, Neil Chethik, will be appearing on ABC-TV's "Good Morning America" between 8:00 AM and 9:00 AM this coming Monday, January 9. Please watch the show.

 

Neil has been writing about men's lives for many years.  His first book, "FatherLoss" (Hyperion 2001), explored how men deal with the deaths of their fathers. For "VoiceMale," he surveyed 350 American husbands and wrote about men's views on every aspect of marriage. Some wonderful surprises there, including the good news that 9 out of 10 men would marry the same woman again!

 

Neil invites you, of course, to purchase the book at Amazon dot com. I've agreed to help Neil get out the word about the book in hopes of creating the biggest "buzz" possible, so if you're interested in the book, consider buying it sooner rather than later. In hardcover, it's less than $16.

 

Technorati Tags : books, men

Happy Holidays!

This season is permeated with emotion, activity, travel, friends and family, memories, hope, and spiritual stirrings.

I attended the annual party at Carol Angel’s home this year—a gathering of friends to share a potluck meal followed by singing traditional carols. Everyone had a good time.

Janet and I also enjoyed a dinner cruise on San Diego Bay with friends during the annual Parade of Lights (a parade of boats decorated for the season on the bay). We had a great meal and had fun dancing. The parade was beautiful. The San Diego skyline is awesome!

My son, Matthew, his daughter, Logan, my other son, Jared, and his fiancée, Tina, are visiting for a few days. We are having a good visit. My ex-wife, Valerie, and her friend, Jim, will be joining us this afternoon for Christmas dinner and an evening of song and celebration.

We have friends who are dealing with potentially terminal illness and others who have suffered devastating loss. Our thoughts are with them.

We also are excitedly awaiting the arrival of baby Lauren Grace who we hope will be born in a couple of weeks. Janet and I will be traveling to Holland, Michigan, to be with Stephanie and her family in anticipation of the blessed event.

The tears and laughter of the season surround us and we participate in it all. We wish the best for you and yours in the New Year.

Catching Up

The past few months have been a rush. My computer's motherboard fried mid-October. It took awhile to diagnose the problem and the repair required building a new computer system. Reloading all of my software, configuring it and organizing my data in a new more elegant way has been time consuming, but I took advantage of the opportunity to upgrade most of my hardware. I love the new system.

We visited Stephanie and her family early in November for a week. We had a great time. Here is a short movie showing Jamison at his karate lesson:

Download Karate Game Action

The game involved whacking someone with a foam staff. When you get whacked you have to stop playing the game and do a kata before you can resume whacking people.

By the time we got home from Michigan we had only a week to prepare for Thanksgiving. We did something special this year--we invited members of the military who where away from home for the holiday. The news media found out about our plans and interviewed Janet for the local NBC affiliate's evening news. I recorded it on our TiVo. Here is the clip:

Download Janet's news interview aired on November 23, 2005, at 5:00 PM on KNSD 7/39

Thanksgiving day was a lot of fun. It worked out that we picked up five Navy sailors at 10:00 AM that morning. We returned to Brittany Tower where three twenty-pound turkeys were roasting and too many side dishes were in the final stages of being prepared. We had six pies for dessert and wine, cold brew, soft drinks and juices to drink. Joan came two days early to assist with the preparations, so the cooking had begun the day before.

Emerald Isle

Janet and I returned from our trip to Boston and Ireland a few days ago. We had a wonderful time. Our time in Galway was especially pleasurable. We drank Guinness, explored the area, ate wonderful meals, enjoyed meeting interesting and friendly folks. It was a great getaway.

The adventure in Ireland began at the airport in Shannon. We rented a small Mazda just barely big enough to hold three adults (Barbara Cox was with us) and our luggage. It has been awhile since my last experience with a stick-shift, but choosing the right gear was nothing compared with driving on the wrong side of the road on narrow (teeny tiny) country lanes at 100 kph. I often slipped off the road surface trying to avoid a head-on collision.

We stopped at a little hotel on our way to Galway, not far from the Cliffs of Moher. Barbara snapped this image of Janet and me outside the hotel:
(you can click on thumbnail here to see a full-size version of the image).

Next stop was the Cliffs of Moher. It was too foggy to capture a good snapshot of the cliffs, so I am including an image of the cliffs I captured at Answers.com. I was able to catch Janet as she entered the arch of the small castle that sits overlooking the cliffs...

Feeling Better

Janet and I enjoyed a wonderful visit with Stephanie and her family near the end of March. A day after returning home I came down with a nasty virus that I probably picked up on the plane trip back to San Diego. The virus turned into a respiratory infection that really knocked me for a loop. A heavy course of antibiotics has finally got me on the mend and I'm feeling much better.

We celebrated my returning good health and our wedding anniversary this past weekend by luxuriating at La Costa Resort and Spa. We spent most of the three days wearing nothing but chenille bath robes and slippers. Our VIP suite, body scrubs and wraps, Roman baths, cool showers in the steam room, couples massage, gourmet meals, glorious grounds, relaxing music and our willingness to fully surrender to the sensual experience helped us to honor and deepen our commitment to one another and renew our spirits.

We found friends, Danny and Barbara Kieller, our first evening there when we arrived for dinner reservations at Blue Fire Grill. Danny was attending a medical conclave at the resort and they were extending their stay in order to celebrate Danny's birthday. The surprise encounter was duplicated the following morning at breakfast and the serendipity of the unplanned meetings added to the pleasure of our weekend.

We drove a bit further north on Sunday to visit Carol Bruch in Pacific Palisades. Carol has a beautiful condominium in a high-rise building on the corner of Sunset Blvd and Pacific Coast Highway overlooking the ocean. We enjoyed meeting a few of Carol's other friends at the gathering and sauntering through the grounds around her building.

It was a weekend we will not soon forget.

My Valentine

Click on the image above to see a larger version of the photo taken of Janet and the barbershop quartet that interrupted a meeting between the deans, department heads and student leaders in the law school's board room last Friday. It seems that someone close to Janet arranged a special Valentine's Day surprise which she thoroughly enjoyed.

Steve Bates, a prominent San Diego attorney and member of the referral exchange group in which I am also active, is the tall distinguished dude standing behind my lovely wife. Steve and the rest of the quartet sang two schmaltzy love songs for the delighted recipient of the Valentine’s Day gift. I hear the entire second floor of the school’s administration building was included in the audience that enjoyed the brief performance.

I am a very lucky guy who is in love with a life partner that deserves such attention now and then. It’s fitting that you enjoyed a happy Valentine’s Day, my love.

Tom's Advice

My friend, Tom, left a great quote on my voicemail: Come Alive.

A number of people have already made a valuable contribution to my job search and I am humbled by the great support. I am also very glad for the assistance. If you have ideas, inspiration, a lead, or whatever, I will accept the contribution with gratitude.

Misunderstanding or Sexism?

Ben Trott posted an entry at the Six Apart weblog today about "a profile of Six Apart (and Mena and myself)" that is being published in Baseline magazine. Most of the content of Ben's post is about how the article is great, but misrepresents Mena's role as his partner in developing software. Ben does not say so, but in addition to things he enumerates I think it is a perfect example of how women get marginalized in these situations.

Sexism remains a problem in our culture. I know many couples--Janet and me, Mena and Ben, Carolyn and Tom, Katie and Hodge and many more--where the woman is a powerful and competent partner. But people who do not know better assume the male half of the team is the "leader," in charge of the relationship and the key person of the partnership.

It is often subtle and not always easy to nail, but then things like what happened to the Trotts comes up and reveals the truth. But even then, we are not always comfortable about naming the truth. Ben did not. And often, I do not.

In many ways I have practiced relinquishment of the privileged role I enjoy in these situations. Even when I might deserve recognition, I do my best to shine the spotlight on Janet. She is, after all, an awesome person. She makes a lot more money than I do. She is better educated, kinder, more attractive, stronger, more competent in almost every way. I do not deserve the assumed role people bestow on me and it bothers me when I let something slide (I'm bothered quite often in this regard).

Well, Ben's gentle rant reminded me about the need to name sexism when it shows up. I hope you will be mindful of these matters, too.

Firestorm

It has been a strange time in San Diego. Compared to some of our neighbors, we are fine. A few acquaintances lost their homes and a number of friends came very close. Everyone in San Diego County was impacted in a significant way by the firestorm. Here is a map showing most of the firestorm area (the Otay fire a few miles south of us is not included):

Click on image to enlarge.
Go here to see the map marked with the homes of friends who were evacuated during the firestorm: Firestorm PDF

Both Janet and I stayed inside as much as possible while the fires were raging, but we still felt the effects of the smoke. The first day of the fires it was dark all day--like really dark, like well after twilight, like no sun--and whenever the sun was visible it looked like a dark red moon on a foggy night.

The law school was closed for three days along with just about everything else in San Diego. The streets were quiet. Most people just sat inside their homes and mourned for those who have lost so much. It is hard to communicate how bad this experience was. It is at least as bad as it looked when you saw stuff about it on TV. We are going to be a community in recovery for a long while.

Our old home in Scripps Ranch is standing. Homes four blocks to the east and south are ashes. We knew people there who lost their homes, but they are all fairly distant acquaintances. One good friend was squarely in the path of the flames, but the fire left her home unscathed. Our friends in Cuyamaca where over 90% of the homes were lost to the fire are one of three homeowners in their neighborhood who did not loose their home--they are struggling through their survivor's guilt.

The weather has been perfect the last few days--a slow drizzle, on and off, cool, little wind. The fires are under control. People are returning to their normal lives. But things will take awhile to really get back to normal. People are having trouble buying property--no insurer is willing to issue homeowners policies yet. Blame is becoming the focus for many. Nevertheless, good times will return and all will be well with the world in fairly short order, I suppose. But these days will not be forgotten by those who experienced them.